What should I start? Where do I begin? Should I start with easiest or hardest? What do you do when your trying to inch your way out of an excruciating week of sighs and tears?
I want to do easiest I decide. I put the dishes from last night into the dishwasher grab the crumbs and throw them into the sink, scrub pots and click the disposal on. As it grinds, I say to myself, “lately it is all one big grind”.
Next, I grab my keys for the one errand that needs to get done so that I can mail the package to one of my daughters best friends who recently had a baby. I grumble as I see it is trick-or-treating at the mall. I need to get in, get out….fast, or a gremlin will recognize my slick backed, no made-up face.
As I quickly put the package in the trunk. I spy three of my backpacks…one from school, one from the university class that I teach and a myriad of books from the workshop that our team led last week. I’ve simply got to clean this because Dave is losing patience with my messy car. I feel his judging eyes every time we are in this car together. Papers are shooting out like ghosts chiding me, reminding me that I have yet to conquer the organization thing.
Peeping out from the back trunk I see my Barnes and Noble bag that I have hidden. It is filled with my secret purchase last Wednesday night before the start of my writing circle. It is a new book, another secret present to myself, Joan Bauer’s latest … Almost Home. I am almost home, I thought. Home to figure out what needs to be done before I start tomorrow. The cover tantalizes me, the main character’s name, Sugar, beckons me, the plot summons me.
I ignore the piling up of emails from our union and from my undergrads.
I ignore the crumpled leaves that are starting to fly into our neighbors’ treeless yard.
I ignore the elliptical.
I ignore the laundry, the vacuum, my trunk and my office.
I turn on the fireplace.
I turn on the cozy light.
I turn the page and I begin to feel the joy return… flooding every cell, every worn out place in my life.